Cody is gay and he can prove it.

So, my son goes to NYC for three days with his Musical Theater class. He has waaaaaay more money than he needs for this trip, and even though it’s his graduation money that he’s gotten early, I tell him that he’d better make this money last because I’m not giving him any more – and this time I mean it.
Upon his arrival back from NYC I ask him how much of his money he has left. He informs me that he has very little left. I would say that I’m not surprised, but I really kind of am. It was a lot of money and I cannot figure out how he has managed to spend all… (Well, almost all of it) in just a few short days.
About an hour later, my son is suddenly seized by an inexplicable fit of excitement, when he remembers that he has something that he wants to show me…something that he bought in New York. …something so amazing and incredible that I will gasp in wonder and awe. I will ask myself, how he could have gone 18 and one half years without this item. As he rushes from the room, barely able to contain himself, he turns to me and says to me with assurance, “This will prove to you that I really am gay.”
Okay, I can explain. It’s not that I was one of those parents that when their kid comes out they ask them if they’re sure or suggest that it’s just “a phase.” On the contrary, I knew Cody was gay when he was 3 years old. I was just waiting for him to realize this too. When he finally did come out, he didn’t act the way I thought he should as a young, good looking gay boy. My basic problem was this: he seemed to have no fashion sense. I mean straight guys were dressing better than he was and I don’t think he owned a single fragrance, or anything else for that matter, from Abercrombie & Fitch. It was embarrassing for me. I’m known in the gay community and my gorgeous gay son was dressing like a homeless person. So, of course, I made fun of him every single chance I got; which was a lot.
I’m telling you now, that I cannot convey to you how those 10 words gave me pause. God only knows what he would present to me that would be amazing and incredible enough to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt my son’s homosexuality. I don’t have to tell you that I was sweating bullets at this point. So, he rushes back into the living room and shows me…a pair of underwear. Oh, but this was unlike any underwear I had ever seen. “Aren’t they amazing?” he asks, staring at the undies in wonder. And I gotta’ tell you, that what was most amazing to me was how…tiny they were. I just can’t understand how offspring of mine can possibly own underwear that is any size under, “XLARGE” (Or as the label reads in Spanish; GRANDE. You wanna know what’s worse that having to buy big, huge undergarments that read “XLARGE”? Try buying big, huge undergarments that read; GRANDE…or “MUY GRANDE”…or “EL RIDICULOSO MUY GRANDE”)
Sorry, I kind of strayed from my point, there for a second. Anyway, he’s showing me this underwear and damned if they weren’t pretty awesome! White, boy cut, boxer briefs…looks like a poly/lycra blend and the underwear is designed to look like a cross between the work of M.C Escher and Edward Gorey. So, I tell him that those really are cool. He tells me that, “H&M always has the coolest underwear, but he’s never had the funds to plunk down $25.00 A PAIR!!!…until this year. So…yeah…I’d say that pretty much shuts me up on teasing and taunting my son about how he can’t possibly be gay because he has such shitty taste in clothing. I mean anyone would spend $25.00 on underwear, that is sold exclusively at H&M in Manhattan is definitely, absolutely, positively gay.

Advertisements
Standard

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s