How to Break a Woman’s Heart

Yes, there’s a right and wrong way to break a woman’s heart. Now, I’ve had my heart broken a few times, but never has my heart been broken in the right way. It’s tricky, to be sure, because what is the breaking of a heart? It’s just another way of saying “good bye.”

The differences between how men and women handle heartbreak are as profound as the differences between the sexes. This isn’t meant to be a scathing critique of men, but let’s face it; they seriously need some help in this department. So men, listen up; no longer do you have to continue to fumble around in the dark on this one. Here’s a few things you need to know when it comes to the parting of the ways, and if you learn this and learn it well, you can quite possibly be remembered as, “The one who got away,” instead of, “The no good, son of a bitch who walked out.”

First of all, like most break ups, it’s going to get ugly, so just accept it. If you’re the one that’s saying goodbye, breaking it off, leaving, whatever you want to call it; a woman is going to react in one of two ways; she’s going to get angry or she’s going to get upset and start crying… possibly both. So yeah, it’s going to get ugly. Now, how ugly it gets and how long the ugly lasts, well, that’s up to you.

How do you minimize the ugly time? Here’s how:
First and foremost: If you’ve been intimate with us (slept with us) then you owe us. That’s right; if you’ve taken us to bed, made love to us and experienced us at our most vulnerable then you at least owe us a true reason and explanation of why you no longer want us. So, do NOT just think you can fade away, ignore our calls and texts and then act as though we’re psycho stalkers who won’t leave you alone, when you’re the one who doesn’t have the balls to face us like a real man.

Do NOT attempt to break up with us via text or Facebook. Seriously, what are you, in Middle School? Again, be a man. You started the relationship like a man, so go ahead and end it like one.

Take the high road. Whether you’ve decided that you just don’t want to be in a relationship, grown tired of us, miss your ex-girlfriend, or if we’ve put on weight or turned into a mean ass Bitch; DON’T TELL US ANY OF THAT. Think about it; you’re not going to be dealing with any of that any longer, that’s why you’re leaving, so there’s really no point in throwing all that out there.

Give us closure. We’ll have questions. We’ll have things we want to say. There will be things we want you to know and things we need to hear. The only way we can truly have closure and be able to move on is to be able to talk to you about all of this. Now, since people cannot hear or speak when they’re emotional and break ups tend to be emotional, you probably won’t be able to have a conversation of this nature until at least a few weeks out. Please note, that if you try to have this conversation and we’re screaming, crying or both, it’s not going to do you one bit of good. What you have to do is wait; wait until we’re calm and rational, and then talk to us.

The bottom line is this: no one wants to hear from someone that they love that it’s over and no one wants to tell someone they love that they’re leaving. Marriages and relationships breaking up would be so much easier if the people involved didn’t still love each other, but usually they do, and at the very least one still loves the other, and that’s when the real pain starts. Just know that when the dust settles, when it’s all said and done, how do you want to be remembered?